How did I end up with such a stick in the mud?

Question by Elsie: How did I end up with such a stick in the mud?
I love to travel and I thought my husband did too. Before we got married we talked about being able to take a long weekend every few months and fly to a different city and about traveling to other countries on vacation.

Now that we are married all he does is rant and rave about how dangerous it is to travel outside the US and the only place he talks about going is Hawaii. Last night my youngest stepson talked about going to Italy on their honeymoon, and my husband launched into a tirade about all the Americans who have been killed there by the Al Quaida.

Since we have been married we’ve gone on 3 major vacations: an Alaskan Cruise (our honeymoon), Las Vegas (with his 3 adult children, their spouses AND his ex-wife) and San Antonio (to visit his oldest son). By far the most enjoyable was San Antonio, because I planned so that we stayed in a not-so-touristy area and planned things every day that were not-so-touristy. He complained the entire time I was planning the trip, but then had a really nice time once we were there, which is almost always the case. He can’t seem to get past the idea that if a city or town isn’t considered a “tourist destination”, then it’s not a “real vacation”. In my travels from when I was single, I learned that you can find something to do in almost any town of any size.

My question is: How do I get him to shut up and quit complaining? He is so negative all the time, but once he gets there he’s fine.

And how do I get him to expand his ideas about what a “vacation” is. I’m thinking about just planning the next vacation and when he starts complaining telling him he doesn’t have to go. Honestly, I’m so sick of it I really wouldn’t be that sad if he said “fine”.

Best answer:

Answer by Oceanside2
No offence, but your husband sounds ignorant to the real happenings of the world. He probably complains about the war a lot and hates Obama too right? He needs to research the cities you want to visit and find out what is really going on. And for him to think Hawaii is any less likely to harbor terorists without knowing it, he’s so very wrong. Other countries are fine, as long as you’re on your toes, not nieve and not an easy target. Good luck.

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6 comments to How did I end up with such a stick in the mud?

  • happywjc

    He sounds pretty boring!
    He using the “terrorist thing” to hide his not wanting to do anything with anyone!
    I’m sorry about your luck,
    as we have nearly the same problems here also!
    So, I go when & where I want, it’s better than staying home watching TV, or the grass grow!
    I can do that when I get too old to go!
    good luck to us both!

  • hatecousin

    Next vacation, go where you want and leave him at home. He is a ruin. Enjoy your vacation. What is that taking his ex-wife with you! Pathetic! Negativeness don’t take you anywhere!

  • sunni

    Maybe you should involve him less in the planning stages. Make all the plans and then rope him in, sort of like a surprise. Also, maybe you should go to Hawaii next. That might be the real problem, not vacationing where he wants to go.<>

  • MrsImpartialAnswer

    He sounds like a real pain in the butt in regards to trips. It is absolutely not dangerous to travel the world, unless you put yourself in situations of danger by going to unstable cities. No city in Italy is unstable so I don’t know what he’s talking about. If he’s afraid of death or an violence, then I suggest he stays locked in his bedroom… even then a thief can come and ruin his apparent security. Do you have a sister or girlfriend you can go to these trips with? I mean, speak to your husband about how paranoid he is and how unnecessary that is. Maybe that’s how he behaves with age… people get afraid with age and more “careful”. I don’t know how do you stand this negativity, but you are a patient woman. Good luck to you!

  • jumper

    i agree with your hubby. hey if it makes him uncomfotable then just go down south for now. It’s not like he is saying yo can’t leave the house or anything. Think if it was the other way around.

  • "Arkie Mom"

    Leave the stick in the mud at home. I have found with my stick in the mud that if I plan something he is going to be with me when I leave. I have listened to his objections for over 20 years and realized that I would never get to do anything if I listened to his whining about everything. He knows that I can have fun without him.

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